Can you stay friends after divorce? – B1+ English reading test

1 Focus on the positiveDon’t let your feelings guide youBuild trustSet boundariesFind a new normalDon’t be alone with your exDon’t get intimateListen to your feelingsKeep trying new thingsWork on your communication skillsDo what friends do

It is natural that you and your partner will be experiencing all kinds of emotions, like hurt, resentment and anger, and these won’t go away instantly. So allow yourself to rant, cry and go through the stages of grief. Allow your partner this time too, and don’t expect them to be feeling the same as you.

2 Set boundariesDon’t be alone with your exDon’t let your feelings guide youFocus on the positiveBuild trustWork on your communication skillsDon’t get intimateFind a new normalDo what friends doListen to your feelingsKeep trying new things

Divorce means you’ll no longer be doing the same things with your partner that you used to do. Therefore, if you intend to stay in touch, you will have to learn to be together in a different way. It’s not always easy to identify this new dynamic, and don’t worry if it doesn’t come naturally. If something doesn’t work for you, let your partner know and suggest an alternative. If something works, let your partner know that too.

3 Listen to your feelingsFocus on the positiveWork on your communication skillsDon’t let your feelings guide youFind a new normalKeep trying new thingsBuild trustDon’t get intimateDo what friends doDon’t be alone with your exSet boundaries

If you have agreed to ‘just be friends’, then do just that! Treat your ex in the same way as your other friends. Send messages and jokes, offer and accept help and hang out together. It might feel awkward at first, but keep at it and it will begin to come more naturally. If it feels more comfortable, meet up in groups rather than one-to-one.

4 Keep trying new thingsDo what friends doSet boundariesFind a new normalFocus on the positiveWork on your communication skillsListen to your feelingsDon’t get intimateDon’t let your feelings guide youDon’t be alone with your exBuild trust

Although you are friends, remember that a friendship and an intimate relationship are different. Some things are no longer appropriate, such as calling each other by pet names and discussing personal matters. You may decide it’s best to avoid certain topics and keep the relationship fairly superficial, at least in the short term.

5 Set boundariesDon’t let your feelings guide youFocus on the positiveDon’t get intimateKeep trying new thingsDo what friends doListen to your feelingsDon’t be alone with your exWork on your communication skillsFind a new normalBuild trust

While spending time with your ex, you may be tempted to get closer by hugging, kissing or cuddling. But resist the temptation! Remember you broke up for a reason, and if you allow yourself to get close again, history may repeat itself, and someone may get hurt.

6 Don’t get intimateKeep trying new thingsDon’t let your feelings guide youBuild trustFocus on the positiveSet boundariesFind a new normalWork on your communication skillsDon’t be alone with your exListen to your feelingsDo what friends do

It’s tempting to use interactions with exes as an opportunity to belittle, complain and vent your frustrations. However, doing so will not help your relationship to move on to a better place. Instead, be courteous, considerate and calm, and avoid getting defensive. And listen to your partner with the aim of understanding their needs, and troubleshoot problems together.

7 Keep trying new thingsDo what friends doListen to your feelingsFocus on the positiveDon’t be alone with your exFind a new normalWork on your communication skillsBuild trustDon’t get intimateSet boundariesDon’t let your feelings guide you

Most likely, your hopes and expectations of your ex have been dashed, and you feel unable to depend on your partner to fulfil promises. However, like in any relationship, you need to be able to rely on each other. Do little things to show you can be depended on: follow up on your promises, don’t talk about your private matters and tell the truth. That will encourage your partner to do the same.

8 Find a new normalDo what friends doSet boundariesFocus on the positiveDon’t let your feelings guide youDon’t get intimateKeep trying new thingsListen to your feelingsBuild trustWork on your communication skillsDon’t be alone with your ex

Although your relationship has inevitably gone through bad times, you had good times together too. In order to move on, you needn’t pretend that those moments never existed. Look at old photos and reminisce. Enjoy the times you shared and your partner’s good qualities. Doing this will help you to let go of painful memories and let your relationship move on to a better place.